Free of all the enemy's lies, fear, and unhealthy relationships that have hindered me from childhood until 42 years old. I thought I really was on a roll.
From January to June 2019, life was happening as usual, but July 2019 came along and the shift began. What was supposed to be my year of breaking free from bondage instead turned into pushing through.
In grief, it feels like joy, peace, and light will never be things that you will feel again.
I came to realize that time does not really heal all things, the pain just goes from feeling unbearable to manageable. You get to a place where you maybe only cry only 10 hours of the day instead of 18.
With every special occasion it does not feel like your heart is being ripped out of your chest because there is no one to call to wish Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, or say I Love You - just because. You can give a half smile without your lip trembling when people ask "How Are You Doing?".
Come August there were more home-goings, diagnoses of terminal illnesses, mental health issues, wayward children....I think you get the point. Nothing prepared me though for how August 26, 2019 would (and still) bring the shift full circle.
My house has become the only place I feel safe. The usual Tovey Blake Bounce Back has not happened.
I initially was so angry - felt like such a failure in both my professional and personal life.
I have been counting down to see January 1, 2020 for some time. If you are reading this, this means - made it (literally took my hands off the laptop to put both them up in victory). My first thoughts of 2020:
- I AM feeling loved, blessed, bold, hopeful, grateful that I will make a difference in someone's life that is reading this and throughout all of 2020.
- I AM aligning my thoughts to match my desires that I am more than worthy of receiving in my personal and professional life.
- I AM walking into the best year of my life of healing, success, love, safety, trust, and healthy relationships.
Thank you Jesus for showing your continued mercy and loving me beyond measure.
Happy New Year and God bless everyone. Let's get it!